Choosing Life Work Balance and Other Things

According with 2000 census, the amount of kids cared for by stay-at-home mothers has climbed by about 13% in less than a decade. Two-thirds of moms between the ages of 25 and 44 currently work less than 40 hours each week. In June 2000 (the most current statistics), 55% of women with newborns were in the work force, up from 59% only two years before. That was the first decrease in that figure in a quarter-century. And, among the previously indicated career women, between a quarter as well as a third are unemployed.

My informal schooling on the subject appeared to imply that, contrary to what females in their 30s had all been conditioned to anticipate, having a profession, a happy marriage, children, and time for oneself all at the same time was almost impossible. In any case, not in a 24-hour day. I'm still not sure how the ostensibly "superwomen" I mentioned at the start of the piece accomplish it, but I'm sure they're in the minority. And I am certain that I am no longer jealous, insecure, or guilty. In fact, when I read such commercials and publications today, the first thing that springs to mind is pity. No one can maintain all those balls in play for very long without becoming very, very weary, no matter how effortless those ladies make it appear. No one, not even Superwoman.

It also seems that the unique notion of adults rearing their own children is well received by the general population. According to a Gallup poll conducted last year, just 13% of respondents said that the ideal family scenario was for both parents to work full-time outside the house. Fourty-one percent said it was best for one parent to work full-time while the other worked part-time or at home. Another 41% said that one parent should remain at home to raise children while the other worked to support a family. Surprisingly, the Ministry of Labour puts full-time homemakers as the country's biggest single occupational category. And the figures are likely to be far higher than we realize, since moms who work outside the house, even for a few hours a week, aren't given strong homemakers by the government, even if it's how they describe themselves.

Before I go any further, let me state unequivocally that I believe in all of the feminist ideas and goals for which women have battled so long and so hard. I believe that women should be allowed to follow any route they choose without being limited by their gender. However, I believe that for a long time, women believed they had to be precisely like men in order to be deemed equals with them. Following the women's rights movement, women started to join the corporate sector and compete on a level playing field with men. Women have been seeking to compete, accomplish, and flourish in a man's world for decades. But it seems that we women have overlooked that we vary from males in some very genuine and significant ways. But it doesn't make us any less equal. While men and women are immensely diverse, their differences are often complimentary. I believe that for far too long, women have attempted to push their sensuality to the margins in order to compete in a man's society. Isn't it time we just acknowledged and celebrated the very real distinctions between the sexes? Women should not be carbon copies of males in order to achieve equality. Different does not imply better or worse; it simply means different.

Consider the authors Coney and Mackey's thought-provoking idea proposed in their 1998 essay "Culture Evolution & Gender Roles: Added benefit." In it, they argue that evolution does not support females surpassing men in the labor market. According to their research, women are expected to be the main caregivers all over the globe. This idea evolved from the fact that in the past, "if a job or duty interfered with mothering, that work was assigned to males." This explains why women are naturally predisposed to be caregivers. Coney and Mackey go on to show that expanding possibilities for women, both in schooling and other areas, is associated with a decrease in fertility in that cultural group. As a result, they suggest that communities that anticipate and prioritize women to take on the role of mother would ultimately supplant other civilizations. That's a really compelling notion, but it's backed up by good study and facts.

I also know that there are many cases of males raising children and same-sex couples adopting children and starting families, and I've no doubt that they do a fantastic job of caring for all those children. I just believe that as a culture, it is past time for us to accept that women, on average, have a natural caregiver instinct that males do not have, at least not in the same degree. I mean, from the dawn of time, men and women have just been built differently, both physically and mentally/emotionally. Even in our earliest days, males were the hunters and gatherers, while women were the nurturers. I don't believe it happened that society, on the whole, tends to structure itself around the family as the primary unit, with the male spouse providing for the family economically and the female partner caring for the house and family domestically.

Again, I'm not attempting to propagate stereotypes; rather, I'm attempting to recognize the very genuine reason many women today feel pulled between their families and their professional life in ways that very few men do. Rather than pursuing equality with our own terms, it seems that women have wanted equality on men's terms. It's no surprise that women are experiencing so much tension in their lives these days. They are straining to accomplish all a man has traditionally done while being unable to give up the genuine feeling of commitment they often feel to be the nurturer and caregiver of their house and family. As a result, they wind up playing both jobs and quickly learn that there isn't enough leisure in the day to perform both. When children are thrown into the equation, the struggle becomes much more pronounced.

Men, but at the other hand, do not experience the same level of tension in their life since they have never sought to play two things at the same time as a group. Sure, there used to be a time when men were motivated to "connect with their feminine side," and there is no doubt these as a result of the feminist movement, men are much more hands on across the house and with the kids than they were before, but men have never attempted to take on the leading role in order to prove their entitlement to anything.

Women, on the other hand, are a different story. We go into the office and work hard to demonstrate to the corporate world positive attributes that are traditionally considered masculine in nature, such as competitiveness and winning at all costs, only to do a dramatic turn at the time of exit when we return home to our families, who expect to see a wife and mother walk through the door and prepare a tasty, nutritious, and well-balanced dinner.

Let's face it: very few guys have reservations about utilizing slice-and-bake cookie dough for their child's upcoming annual bake sale or being too busy to attend every dance performance, school play, or PTA meeting. When a woman worries about these things, her husband will advise her not to worry since no one can expect a woman with a full-time job to care about making home-made cookies or attending every short course planned in the middle of the day. What males don't realize is that WOMEN EXPECT IT. Working women, in fact, demand it of themselves more than anybody else. We feel terrible because we consider household activities to be our area of competence, and God help any spouse who naively offers that he assist with a few of those jobs. Women may grumble that they need more assistance or support from their partners, but they also do not want to take on any of the typical work tasks that come with the "mother" moniker.

After my second child was born, I decided to be a stay-at-home parent. When I made the choice, it seemed like the full weight of the law was instantly lifted off my shoulders. For a brief moment, I felt as if I was betraying the whole feminist cause, which I had previously loudly supported. But, when I reflected about it, I realized that, more than anything else, I started feeling like I've been true to myself. Isn't that what the wave of feminism was all about? I don't have to prove to myself or any guy that I can work a job and "make it" in a man's world. In my own reality, I've already "made it." Surprisingly, I'm satisfied with becoming my family's domestic caregiver. 

I like trying new recipes and completing all of the housework that I never had time for before becoming a full-time mother. I'll even confess to spending hours this past holiday season crafting cranberry and grain garland for the family Christmas tree, a chore I previously would not have contemplated given my legendary lack of free time. But guess what? I'm not embarrassed of it in the least. And do you want to know anything else? When I go into bed every night fatigued from caring for my two children, I know that I should have invested my day making a difference in the life, no matter how trivial the events of that day may have been. When I worked outside the home and went to bed exhausted every night, I was unhappy because I had spent my day doing such a variety of completely mind-numbing activities for a faceless business giant and working my dorsal fin off to put a couple more million into the pocket of some CEO whose name I honestly don't remember.